Grocery Shopping

I never imagined food would be a luxury.  Heck, who could imagine that toilet paper, paper towels, and soap would be a luxury?    Since March14, when I realized we had two rolls of toilet paper, finding food we need has been a challenge.  Because we are so rural, we don't have many options.  I will only go to our local grocery store, Brookshires.  It's always been my preferred place to shop but now even more so.

I made my list last night.  It's a family affair making a grocery list.  We all go to the kitchen and talk about what we want to eat for the next two weeks.  Then we take turns looking at what we have left and deciding what we need.  We add those things that we've been looking for that we've never found.  Right now it's turkey to slice for lunch meat and paper towels.  Meals are planned and the list is made.  Then we all look at each other, "What am I going to do about a mask?" Mike says he has a Jack Daniels bandanna and laughs.  Zach asked about those masks we had when we put in insolation.  Bingo!  We still have some.  I mean who knows if it will do anything but hopefully it's better then nothing.

So the list is ready and the mask is waiting.

Mike says maybe he should be the one to go.  I asked, "why, what difference will that make?" "Why should you be the one to go," he asks?  He wonders if we should both go.  No, they only want one per family and no kids.  So I think that today is Sunday, they haven't had a delivery since Thursday so this is a stupid day to go shopping.  I won't get a lot on my list and will have to go back.  I'll wait until Tuesday.  We can make it a few days without fruit.  We have food for tonight.  

I'm Struggling

Like thousands of people around the world, I am struggling.  On a good day, I take medicine for depression and on rough days add something for anxiety.  During this pandemic, my rough days are now good days and the others can be debilitating. 

I started this time addicted to sugar.  I was damaging my liver and pancreas with my sugar intake.   It's totally not the best way to deal with stress.  I decided this was the perfect time to quit. I mean grocery shopping is hard, and I have all the support I need here with my family to eat healthy choices.  I feel like the guy from the movie Airplane, 'this was the wrong week to give up sugar.'  

The truth is I am trying to find healthy ways to deal with my depression and anxiety.  I limit the amount of anxiety medicine I take because it can be addictive.  There is a line between sitting in a chair staring into space because I can't stop the obsessive thoughts of COVID 19 horrors, and being completely numb to the world.  I am normally such a positive person and totally the half-full person.  Mike is the worrier, and when this changes our world changes.  After 29 years of marriage, we support each other and aren't usually both crazy at the same time. Lol, it works for us. 

The news was on earlier, and I could feel my anxiety ramping up.  I couldn't sit here any longer.  So I did what I would normally do.  I went to the refrigerator to find something to graze on.  I realized that wasn't my healthy way to deal anymore.  I evaluated my medicine and realized it has been a couple days so I felt comfortable taking it.  Then, I went outside.  I need to walk. I need my legs to ache from something besides sitting.  Social distancing isn't an issue when you live on 30 acres. 

I went out and started on my walk. I picked up fallen branches, and I looked at work that needs to be done before it gets too hot.  I found my flowers had started blooming and pulled some weeds.  Mike came out and asked if I was ok, and why was I doing this. lol  Evidently this isn't normal for me, but I'm trying to be healthier in mind, body, and spirit. 

So as I sit here and write this, I feel successful.  I didn't eat crazy, I didn't go back to bed, I made it through the hard minutes, and I fell better.  I have started a new afghan I'm crocheting.  It brings me joy.  What brings you joy?

Waiting, just waiting

That what this pandemic feels like.  We are home and just waiting.  Waiting for the next meal. Waiting for something to come on tv.  Waiting for the rain to stop.  Waiting to leave the house. Just waiting.

I'm Still Your Child's Teacher

I keep seeing posts about parents homeschooling now.  That's not how it's supposed to be.  Schools are still supposed to provide instruction and lessons.  The instruction is just happening virtually now.  All parents should be doing is making sure students do their work and helping like they would with homework.  That's not homeschooling.  Homeschooling is where you provide the curriculum, instruction, and lessons. It's where you're in it alone.

As your child's teacher, I still want to be a part of their lives and education.  I want to make sure they are understanding the work I send out, and I will provide support to them if they don't. I am designing lessons with my team that our students should be able to do with our support and your encouragement.

On Monday our lessons are posted online by 8:00 am.  Every week I am on Google Meets waiting for students to show up that need help.  I'm really just waiting to see their faces and hoping I can do something for them.  I check my google classroom hourly for messages, questions, and work.  I grade and send everything back with a note of encouragement, I miss you, please try again, or I'm so proud of you.  By Thursday, I am sending emails to each student who hasn't completed their work.  I then send my weekly email to parents reminding them to have their students go into their classroom and check to make sure they have passing grades or massing assignments.  Then I start texting each parent that has a child with missing assignments.  I have to make sure they are able to access them and have internet.  I'm making sure they are getting lunches, have devices, or any other needs I can help with.

I have parents that I use google translate to communicate with, parents that regularly check in with me to make sure their child is doing what they need to, and parents that have never answered an email or text. They are worried, stressed, and overwhelmed and many are essential employees working on the front lines.  I give the support I can, the assurances that if they can't get to the hot spot in time I won't count it against their child.  That's it's ok if you can't afford internet I'll still find a way to teach your child.  I have had students just read me their work over the phone, text it to me, or take a picture of it.  I'll do whatever it takes to help your child and support you.  You gave them to me to be their teacher in August and my time isn't over.  We are in this together.  I think about you and your family and cry for you and for them with worry.  I saw so many incredible things from my students this year and I wasn't ready for it to end.  I'm still your child's teacher.

What Else Do You Do in a Pandemic?

Wow, what a year 2020 has been so far.  In January, my friend Sara died from ovarian cancer.  We shared a birthday and had been friends since high school.  I went to her funeral in West Texas.  On the way, my dad called me.  He'd had surgery that day and I didn't know.  Next came my 51st birthday.  I love my birthday!  It was perfect.  My desk was decorated and I had a banner and crown to wear, it doesn't get better.  Except it did, with the cake waiting for me when I got home.  What a great day!

The next day my sister called and our dad had died sometime that night.  She had just found him.  Well, hell.  We headed up to Missouri and said our farewells.  I got to meet family I'd never known and loved spending time with my brother and sister. 

Then came my niece's wedding!  What a great time and I loved spending time with my family I hadn't seen.  My aunt was nervous about traveling because we'd started hearing about this coronavirus.  I thought she was a little nuts and didn't think it was a risk.  She wasn't flying into DFW and the only people who had it were isolated on the air force base, what was there to worry about?

March!  Here comes spring break, my trip to Missouri to help my brother and sister clean out our dad's office, Zach's trip to Disney, and a week off work!  During the first week, this coronavirus was really making the news and it was spreading.  They closed Italy!  I mean that's like the beginning of a joke. Did you hear they closed Italy?  And if I was more clever I'd have a joke to go with that.

Humm, maybe I wouldn't fly to Missouri but drive instead.  The week before spring break came and Mike was irritated I'd still consider going on my trip.  He thinks my driving is horrible and well I do tend to get sleepy on long trips.  Zach was scheduled to leave on Thursday.  Wednesday I called the superintendent to see if they still planned on sending the kids on this trip.  They were making plans to make sure they had plenty of germx and washed their hands a lot but the trip was on for Thursday. 

Thursday afternoon, after Zach was on his way we started hearing we might not come back after spring break and needed to make sure all students had passwords in case we had to go to distance learning. And my kid was on a bus on his way to Disney!

Back to School without Chocolate

I went back today.  It's a national holiday and we had a teacher work day.  I have no one to blame buy myself!  I voted for that calendar! lol  I keep reminding myself how much earlier we get out for summer.  I got rid of all of the junk out of my desk when I left for Christmas break.  I so wanted to go buy some chocolate today!  I did fine at home but almost went a little nuts at work without sugar.  I then thought I'd stop and get some chocolate on my way home then hide it. lol Ok what part of any of that is a good idea?  So I made it, I didn't stop for chocolate.  I got home and had a square of 70% dark chocolate that I have in my desk.  Sigh!  I should drink!

New Year, New Life

So much has happened since my last blog post!  Where do I start?  In July 2013 I decided to go back to college.  It was my reoccurring dream that I had classes and couldn't find them. I didn't know my locker combination, had papers due and all kinds of other school trauma!  It has been my regret that I didn't finish school.  So I went back.  With 19 hours or CU's I started on my journey to be a teacher.  In January 2015 I began student teaching.  Wow, that experience is for another blog! lol  The best of it was teaching second grade with a sweet friend.  I learned so much.  I was offered a job in August of 2014 to teach English Language Arts and Reading in 6th grade.  I love, love, love my job!  It's the best thing, besides my family, I've ever done!

I will spend time talking about my kids, job and life but I really want to talk about my journey with weight loss.  In June 2014 I had weight loss surgery.  I received the gastric sleeve.  Since then I've lost 87 pounds.  I have a total weight loss of 112 pounds.  I still feel like I have a way to go but the reality is I will be happy with another 20 pounds but would like to lose 53 more.  

I go in January to see about a tummy tuck and having my arms done.  So this blog is going to be my journey with changing my body.  I will share my struggle and my joy!  I totally love the woman I am and want to grow every day into a stronger, better, more loving, laughing giving woman.