I'm Struggling

Like thousands of people around the world, I am struggling.  On a good day, I take medicine for depression and on rough days add something for anxiety.  During this pandemic, my rough days are now good days and the others can be debilitating. 

I started this time addicted to sugar.  I was damaging my liver and pancreas with my sugar intake.   It's totally not the best way to deal with stress.  I decided this was the perfect time to quit. I mean grocery shopping is hard, and I have all the support I need here with my family to eat healthy choices.  I feel like the guy from the movie Airplane, 'this was the wrong week to give up sugar.'  

The truth is I am trying to find healthy ways to deal with my depression and anxiety.  I limit the amount of anxiety medicine I take because it can be addictive.  There is a line between sitting in a chair staring into space because I can't stop the obsessive thoughts of COVID 19 horrors, and being completely numb to the world.  I am normally such a positive person and totally the half-full person.  Mike is the worrier, and when this changes our world changes.  After 29 years of marriage, we support each other and aren't usually both crazy at the same time. Lol, it works for us. 

The news was on earlier, and I could feel my anxiety ramping up.  I couldn't sit here any longer.  So I did what I would normally do.  I went to the refrigerator to find something to graze on.  I realized that wasn't my healthy way to deal anymore.  I evaluated my medicine and realized it has been a couple days so I felt comfortable taking it.  Then, I went outside.  I need to walk. I need my legs to ache from something besides sitting.  Social distancing isn't an issue when you live on 30 acres. 

I went out and started on my walk. I picked up fallen branches, and I looked at work that needs to be done before it gets too hot.  I found my flowers had started blooming and pulled some weeds.  Mike came out and asked if I was ok, and why was I doing this. lol  Evidently this isn't normal for me, but I'm trying to be healthier in mind, body, and spirit. 

So as I sit here and write this, I feel successful.  I didn't eat crazy, I didn't go back to bed, I made it through the hard minutes, and I fell better.  I have started a new afghan I'm crocheting.  It brings me joy.  What brings you joy?