Sunday, February 15, 2009

I'm Lonely

I get so ready for the kids to go to bed for some quiet time. Now I have it. I'm having it right now. But the other side of that coin is now I'm lonely. Mike is at work and the kids are asleep and here I sit making candles and playing on the computer. I miss having a girlfriend to run around with.

I know I could call Lisa and chat with her but it's late. And I could call Liz and chat with her but it's late and I don't want to wake the kids. Cause that wouldn't be a solution! lol I guess I just miss interaction with people. The only time I do is while I'm working out 5 days a week. Ok people other than my husband and kids.

I totally love my life, but I wonder sometimes what else? Or what next. Maybe it's being without a job. Maybe it's because we're done having kids. That was something we were working on for so long, now what. It seems everything I did was some how related to having another baby or taking care of the one I did have. Working or not working. Going back to school. What I ate or drank or didn't drink.

So now I'm 40, unemployed and Zachery will start school in August. So now what? I get to do whatever in the world I want to. But the key to that is what? Part of me just wants to stay home forever. To plant and get some animals and to work here. Part of me would like to be a sonogram technician. But that is going back to school, which I would like but not sure if I'm up to that. I can go back and do what I've always done but for how long? I don't want to spend the rest of my life doing accounting. I like creating. I love my candle business and would like to grow that. I would like to add bath product and add a store. I love bath junkie and would need about $200,000 for a franchise. So how is that possible?

I want to travel, to take my boys and Mike to Scotland. To see all the different parts of the U.S. How can I do that and work? lol So maybe it will rain money and we can do all that.

So all this was about being lonely tonight right? See that's what happens when I have too much time alone to think. I know a few things. I am blessed. I am blessed to have my boys. I am blessed to have my husband who loves me and takes care of us. I am blessed that I get to decide what I want to do.

But tomorrow I get to have fun. I'm going to the Zoo with Zachery. We're meeting our friends Becca and Aiden. I haven't taken Zachery to the Zoo since he was just a couple of weeks old. When Mike and I took him on a field trip with Avery and his class. Tomorrow will be fun. I'm excited to be with a friend and just get out!

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