It's turning into a daily thing and it's over nonsense. Tonight I asked Mike what kind of sandwich he wanted me to make for his dinner. He said he was thinking of peanut butter and jelly. Ok, I said. Then I proceed to open the laptop which is on the table in sleep mode because I have been working all day. I wanted to check my email and my work email to see if my payrolls had been reviewed yet. So he comes into the kitchen and starts making sandwiches. I told him I said I would do it. He's mad! Why you ask? Because he heard what I said and I didn't say I'd make them I asked him what kind he was going to make?????? Huh? No that's not what I said. So he goes into the whole I'm not arguing with you I know what you said. So now I'm mad, he hears wrong and thinks I'm not going to make him a sandwich and gets mad.
First it's crazy to get mad that I didn't say I would. Second it's even crazier to not believe me when I say that's not what I said! The truth of the matter is he was pissed that I was on the laptop. I have had it put up since Friday. I was expecting rude comments when he saw me using it today, but I do need it for work. Which I did do all day. I had to open it to shut it down.
Now I wish someone would explaine to me why it's ok for him to sit in front of the tv all day but if I get on the computer I'm ignoring him? How does that work? I don't really like much tv. And I don't like the crap he watches. And I don't say anything when he is on the PSP. So really what is the big deal? I'm on the computer so I'm not available to do what? Watch you watch tv? Play cards; cause we do a lot of that? Oh have deep meaningful conversations? I agree I'm on the computer too much. But I'm board! I know he thinks I should be cleaning the house instead. But for some reason I can't seem to think I should be up picking up, doing dishes and doing laundry while he sits in front of the tv. And when I'm not doing that I should be sitting next to him waiting for him to speak?
And yes I've stopped taking my meds. And he asked me, have you been taking your medicine? I just looked at him and asked how he could tell. It was like a light bulb went off for him. Ah, she's irrational. Could that really be it? I am highly agitated. But I feel right, like justified. Yes I have been yelling a lot. And threw a toy last night. But that's normal right? Other people throw little people school buses on the floor? I mean I can not be the only one. lol
I guess I've just reached my limit. I've had enought, I need space. I need a bedroom. I need to see my things. I need to be able to have a conversation with Mike alone. I need to not trip over toys because there is no place to play. Sigh, the stairs will start tomorrow. I hope we can do it.
What a week.