Tuesday, March 30, 2010

Not so Perfect but Just Right

I just found out that a friend of mine was told it is likely her son has Autism.  Her little boy is the same age as Zachery and we met when we where pregnant with the boys.  My heart goes out to her. 

This discovery has triggered the memories of posting on that message board.  At the time, Avery was our only child.  And reading about everyone’s prenatal testing was so very hard for me.  It was like everyone was searching for the perfect child.  They would have blood test, sonograms and amnios.  I remember the posts where someone was terrified there was something wrong with their baby, it could have down syndrome or many other problems.  And I remember the posts where they got the test results back and so many would say how perfect their baby was.

I can’t explain how much this was like a knife to my heart.  Not because their child was perfect but because they thought any thing else wasn’t.  If having 46 chromosomes makes you perfect, what does having 47 make you? 

So their relief at having a perfect child was an acknowledgement that mine wasn’t.  Yes I know the world isn’t all about me and none of that was directed to me.  But, well the world is all about me and how things effect me.  And what I wanted to say was just because those tests are perfect doesn’t mean they all will be and that there won’t be problems.  It’s one of those things we moms know who have been doing this for a while.  All of our kids have highs and lows and we love them through or at least we are supposed to.

But as a mom of a child who would never be considered perfect, I know this; I know God is perfect in all things.  And I know he created my child, both of them.  So I know that no matter how many chromosomes they each have is not a determining factor on their level of perfection.   And I know how it will feel when you hear someone sing their relief that their child doesn’t have autism or when you learn their child too is more different than perfect. 

But hold on to this.  That no matter what, your child is perfect through the eyes of a mothers love and as created by God.  No one, not a test or teacher or Dr or stranger can take that away.  They can never change how perfect your child is in your eyes and that’s what matters. 

1 comment:

  1. Amy, I am so grateful for this expression of love and understanding. You said it all so perfectly. I had no testing with Tommy, but made sure to do everything "just right" after he was born to ensure I had a "perfect child". But God has His plans and nothing we do really changes them. God planned for us to have a perfectly created Tommy, and I will not for one minute say that is not as it should be.
    Thank you for your beautiful words, my friend.