Avery's Friend

When we first moved here Avery made a new friend, Simon. They only went to school together for 4 months but formed a strong bond. Simon moved into a group home in another city, but he calls Avery when he is home for a visit. So today we went and picked up Simon and headed to Longview for a day of fun.

They were so excited to see each other! And Zachery was as thrilled to see Simon or Sigh Man as he calls him. lol I have to say that even kids with disabilities tease each other. The first time Zachery called Simon, Sigh Man at a special olympic track meet, the other kids all laughed and teased Simon. It really cracked us up!

We went to Best Buy, Target, Game Stop and Chuck E Cheese. Simon had never been there. I read a book and the kids had a blast! It was a really fun day.

Simon's group home was nice enough. It just makes me sad to think of him there. He says he hates it and wants to go home. Unfortunately his dad died 4 years ago and his mom is mentally challenged too. So Simon is a little overwhelming for her. The guy working at the group home said how nice it was that we picked him up, that it somehow made us good people. I don't see it that way. Simon is Avery's friend. It doesn't matter that he's different. I mean have you met my kids? lol We love different! But it made me sad that is it rare for someone to show up and visit or take someone somewhere.

And I have to say it scares the hell out of me. For the future, for when we are gone and Avery is alone. I really hope that he won't ever be. That he will always have someone to pick him up and be a part of their lives. I know he has Zachery. And it is our hope that one day Zachery takes as good of care of Avery as Avery has taken of Zachery. And when I watch them together and I see what an incredible relationship they have I know that no matter what else they will always be brothers.

Friends

I wonder what that word means to people. Are friends just people you know? Are they people you hang out with? People you have known for a long time? What does it mean to be a friend?

There are people I know and people who are 'friends' on facebook. But I have a few friends that I think define the meaning. They are the ones who know me. They understand my humor and my pain and my joy. There are there for me when I need and they fill my life.

Some of my best friends I have never met in person. I have spent time with them on line or on the phone but we live too far apart. They are not the ones I have know the longest but they are the ones who know me the best. Shelly, Chantel, Mary and Sarah, I love keeping up with you and spending time with you. We have shared so much over the past almost six years. You fill my life with love and laughter and joy. Lisa and Lisa you two are like my sisters. I can't believe how many hours of my life I have spent talking to you two. lol I wish Boston and Portland were not so far apart. But they are not that far if you ever need me. Yvette, I swear you are me on the other side of the world. lol The me my mom always told me was there. One day we will sit and have tea and a lovely chat. And Val who I was lucky enough to get to have dinner and a very long chat with this summer!

There are friends I have enjoyed getting to know again, like Cheryl and Ronnie and Sheri. And really good friends like Katy, I am thrilled I have found again. And I have a new friend, Rene that makes me smile when I think of her. But there are also those who have been in my life forever , like Melissa and Jennifer and our friendship has lasted through the years.

I was watching real housewives of New York tonight and almost threw up. I can't believe these people call themselves friends. They obviously do not know the meaning of the word. They don't know Shawnee, Melanie or Melinda, Sandra, Julie, Di or even Sandy. They don't have each others back. One of the silliest things I have done is play farmtown. But I love it and the thing I love most is being able to chat with my friends, Melanie mostly. She was someone I knew for a long time but is now someone I call friend.

What I mostly want to say, is thank you. Thank you for being my friend. For sharing with me, and listening to me, and laughing with me. Thank you for being there for me and for letting me be there for you. For me it's important to give a part of myself to my friends. To share who I am with who you are. There are friends I think about and miss having them in my life, like Kayla. But for whatever reason life has taken us in different directions. I don't take the term friend lightly, to me it is one of the most important things a person can be.

So as we wind up this year and are getting ready to bring in the new year I wanted to say thank you. I am looking forward to sharing your lives and sharing mine. And I am excited about who God will bring into my life this year as a new friend or a closer friend. And if you were here I would buy you a pint. lol

Should old acquaintance be forgot,

and never brought to mind ?

Should old acquaintance be forgot,

and old lang syne ?

CHORUS:

For auld lang syne, my dear,

for auld lang syne,

we'll take a cup of kindness yet,

for auld lang syne.

And surely you’ll buy your pint cup !

and surely I’ll buy mine !

And we'll take a cup o’ kindness yet,

for auld lang syne.

CHORUS

We two have run about the slopes,

and picked the daisies fine ;

But we’ve wandered many a wearyfoot,

since auld lang syne.

CHORUS

We two have paddled in the stream,

from morning sun till dine^† ;

But seas between us broad have roared

since auld lang syne.

CHORUS

And there’s a hand my trusty friend !

And give us a hand o’ thine !

And we’ll take a right good-will draught,

for auld lang syne.

CHORUS

Almost a year

I can't believe it's been almost a year since I created this blog. I don't have too many posts. lol Well I have a lot I have written in my head but not posted. I have even thought of writing a secret blog to post what I really think. lol But whatever I do I think I will keep blogging.

I have just sent the boys to bed. We have had a good Christmas. Mike is on his way back to work. I worry about him. He didn't get much sleep today. It has been quiet here to past few days. I have been cooking. I made a turkey pot pie. All from scratch. Well the pie crust was the roll out kind but that counts right? lol

I am trying my hand at meal planning and spending less money. So far so good. I am not very good with a budget but I am going to master this. For crying out loud I do this for a living. lol I have manage cash flow for several companies at a time and my little check book is so sad. lol

So I am not sure what I will write about but I am going to write.

The boys are in bed and they are so loud! The talking and laughing. But it is wonderful to hear, as long as they stay in bed. I need quiet. And maybe chips and butter.

Fun at School

Zachery started prek and is loving it. He told me that Tuesday was the best day of his whole life because he got to go to school. Today he came out of school and tole me he hates the home center. He likes the block and reading centers but hates the home center! lol When we got home he told me he was in a bad mood because he had to go to the home center. lol

He has already made a few friends. He likes a little girl named Christiana. Last Thursday he told her his phone number and asked her to call him. Then on Friday he asked if she remember it and since she didn't he told her again. She told him he needed to give her a note with it on it. So he ran back to the car to find paper. I gave him one of my cards with our home number and he ran it over to her. Waving it over his head yelling Christiana! Her mom took a picture of them together.

He wants friends so bad. He's also making friends with Alex and Zackery. In a class of 13 there are two Zachery's. Well, Zachery and Zackery. And two Natalie's. He plays with Zackery, Alex, Natalie Grace and Christiana. He's not sure of the other kids names yet. But I think that's pretty good for the first week.

I love the look on his face when he sees me after school. It's the same look Avery used to have for me. Their whole faces light up. I love picking him up from school. They always have so much to say right after school. Avery was always the same way.

Avery is enjoying 10th grade. He is wishing he was in 11th grade so he could work at Walmart during the day with his class. lol He told me tonight that he needs to get recipes out of news papers and magazines. He wanted my recipe for the dinner I made tonight. He's so cute.

I love my boys and being their mom. It's the best thing I've ever done.

It's been a while

since I have blogged. Summer was good, the boys are in school now. Zachery is loving prek. Avery is loving his 10th grade class. He's wishing he was in 11th grade so he could work at Walmart. My boys are about to have birthdays. All three of them, next month.

Avery wants a cell phone, Zachery wants a DS and a Wii and Mike wants, I have no idea. lol He saw a beer making machine, so I might get that. September will be a busy month. I have 2 fairs, to do. I'm going to be selling my candles and Usborne books. I'm excited about it. I have been making candles like crazy. I need more tins for the wax and fragrance I have but I'm going to use all the ones I have here first. I really hope these candles sell! I'm not even going to think about if they don't. lol

He's off!

I just helped Avery to the school bus with all his things. He's leaving today for a Special Olympic meet in Lufkin. They're staying over night in a hotel and I'm not going. I helped him pack his suitcase and sent chips, peanut butter crackers, cookies, apples and drinks. I sent him off with two disposable cameras, new tooth brush and toothpaste, some books to read, hand sanitizer, $30 and a tear.

I am so very excited for him but have an overwhelming desire to go and observe. I am worried too. I'm worried he'll get lost, or will want something or need something. I'm worried he won't do it right or will get in trouble and they'll call me. That I'll get the call that says, "Mrs. S, Avery isn't able to do this, you need to come and get him." I am worried if he'll get his change from his money and if he'll flush the toilet or do any of the hundred things a child can do to prove you were a bad parent. Of course I have the secret or not so secret desire for him to behave in such a way that people will think, "wow he's got great parents!" "Didn't they do a great job!"

This is the first thing he will do without me. Don't get me wrong he's been to his grandparents house over night and gone with one of my friends to the movies and spent the night at their house. This is different, this is huge! A trip with his friends, over night.

It's something I did in high school. I went on theatre trips and even went to Europe. I love remembering those times and want him to have those experiences. I am just finding it hard that there will be memories and experiences I won't be a part of or really won't know. But that's what growing us is, isn't it? It's those times you do spread your wings and start making your own memories. It's about having to remember to flush and get your change and prove that you heard all those things mom and dad have been saying for years.

So my first born is off, without me. With a new toothbrush and toothpaste, disposable cameras, snacks, $30, and a tear. And mom is home cheering him on and hoping it doesn't rain.

By the Grace of God

You hear people say that, and they don't always really mean it. They might mean oh that was close or any other thing. I truly saw that today, God's grace. Because without that Mike's Uncle Jerry would have died today.

It started out ok enough. I went for a haircut. Which is a huge deal in my life. I have to plan for that and usually talk myself out of it for one reason or another. But I'd hacked off the top of my hair two weeks ago and my choice was to continue to layer it myself or get help. So I choose help. I took Zachery with me and was thinking we'd stop at Sonic on the way home. But things were going good and I decided I had a hankering for a cherry limeade on the way so we went before.

The haircut was great. I could have gone to sleep. On the way home I was going to stop at Walmart for a few things. I was actually looking at Walmart and decided I'd turn the other way and just go home. I don't get out much so that's huge for me. lol Walmart is the biggest thing out here.

I'd only been home a few minutes. I'd put some chicken in the micro to thaw out and sat down on the couch to pop on facebook. I heard the dogs start barking and told Zachery to look out the door to see if anyone was here. As he walked outside Mike, who was sleeping, hollered that someone was here. Well, I'd just sent my four year old out to great whoever that was and thought it best to not bother with shoes and to just get out there.

It was a neighbor, Johnny. As I walked to his truck, he said, "some thing's wrong with Jerry." I said I'd go right over. Uncle Jerry is diabetic and has stage 4 renal failure. Aunt Linda called me the day before to let me know she had to go watch the grand babies from Tuesday till Thursday. I ran in the house yelled at Mike it was his uncle and for him to watch Zachery I had to go.

I drove next door and ran into the house. Let me just say nothing in my life had prepared me for what I found. Uncle Jerry was on the floor, screaming, seizing, thrashing about and alternately begging for help and telling me he was going trying to take a nap. I was pretty sure it was his blood sugar but didn't know was it too high? Too low? I knew I needed help and went to call 911. I had no idea where the phone was. I've been in the house tons of times but evidently hadn't made any phone calls. I found the phone and made the call. Ok I need an ambulance. What's your address. Huh? Well I know my address and I live next door so lets start with that. No you can't see the house from the road. I'm sending Johnny to the highway he's going to flag them down. Meanwhile uncle Jerry is knocking over things with his screaming and thrashing. He's beating his head on the back door. Now this I have been prepared for. Zachery has been a headbanger for years, so I'm thinking it's genetic.

I give the emergency responders directions. Tell them to go 1.5 miles, turn right at the first drive past the red barn. Remember which way is West and North and am feeling pretty good about that. Ok so bye then, oh do you have an ETA? No but they'll be there soon as they can. Ok.

I'm still talking to him. Uncle Jerry I'm going to help you. It's ok Uncle Jerry. Do you know where you blood sugar tester is Uncle Jerry? Ok run to the bedrooms. Look all over. Search the fridge. He needs something, what do I do. If it's too high and I give him sugar will I make it worse? If he needs the sugar and I don't give it, will he die? So I grab orange juice. I've seen Steal Magnolias right?

Let me just say it's not easy to get someone to drink juice as they are thrashing and screaming on the floor. I gave him some, then the head banging started. Ok I'm standing there and looking and all I can do is call, Jesus. "Jesus, help me! Tell me what to do. Help him." "Jesus!" And Uncle Jerry starts singing. Now first let me say there are a lot of dogs. Like I don't know 8 and a large bird. So he's thrashing, and moaning and yelling and the dogs are barking and running and the bird is swaking and here I am calling out to God. And Uncle Jerry starts singing. So I start to sing. The only song I can think of that I know the words to is Amazing Grace. So I start singing. Uncle Jerry sings with me. The dogs stop barking the bird starts singing. Uncle Jerry is laying on the floor but he's calm now. He keeps up for the first 2 viruses. I sing 4 and start with the fifth. Uncle Jerry is calm. I reach down and rub his arm and talk to him. I realize the little bit of oj I got into him has helped. He's not thrashing. So I grab the bottle, life his head and get the rest of it in him.

It wasn't too long and the ambulance got there. They got an iv started and got his blood sugar up. I made him a sandwich and got him some milk. He made it, we made it. He refused transport to the hospital but called his Dr. It was amazing to watch him come back to himself. But he'd been alone out in the garage. Aunt Linda had only been gone a couple of hours. She'd taken his lunch to him and he waited too long to eat it. Johnny got there at the right time. If he didn't just stop by for a visit, well that would have been it. If I'd, gone to Walmart, I wouldn't have been there.

So today I saw God's Grace. I saw how he helped Jerry by putting people in place when he needed them. I was clueless and felt him lead me. I know Johnny was clueless and we were both scared out of our minds. But it was ok, we were enough for God to work with.

The Love Dare

I have finally started The Love Dare. I had planned on starting for Lent but it didn't quite happen. I'm on day four. So far I feel like I have already grown. Part of what has amazed me is how much of this I can apply to my children.

Day one, love is patient. Ok not easy for me. I am not a patient person. I will say I am more patient today than I was a week ago. One thing that I underlined and found inspiring was this quote; "Patients is where love meets wisdom." The books talks about love being built on two pillars; patience and kindness and that everything else is an extension of these two things.

It talks about anger being the opposite of patients. Wow, not that's a big one right. I'm not angry, right? So I think, and I pray, am I? Am I angry? I'm not patient and if one isn't patient than aren't you the opposite of patient? And if anger is the opposite of patients than yikes am I angry? Then I read, "Anger is usually caused when the strong desire for something is mixed with disappointment and grief." Ouch, I mean serious ouch! So huh, I mean I have to read that a few times. Ok sever times because I'm letting that in. I'm absorbing it and becoming aware. Anger is usually caused when the strong desire for something is mixed with disappointment and grief. That defines much of my life. How sad is that? How sad is it that I think that?

Ok so I ask myself what are the desires of my life. That's easy; my family. The desire of my life has always been to have a husband and children. To have a home and family. There is a lot of family missing in my life. I have always had dreams of days, events, dinners, just every day things with lots of family. That is just not meant to be. Mike and I have a good marriage. I mean it's been almost 18 years and there have been times that have been hard but I have always known we are in this together and he is my rock. That is why I am doing this. Why this book, why now. Because things are good, really good.

Kids, oh did I want kids. My dream was to have 3 boys and then a girl. Now Mike made it clear from day one he wanted two and they should be boys. lol Girls just scare him. I guess I should say the thought of daughters scares him. So I thought about this desire of my heart and know that it is mixed with both disappointment and grief. As much joy as I feel for Avery, there is still pain. And is that pain anger? Yes it is. Not anger at him but anger at what happened to him. So I prayed. I mean seriously what else is there to do. I do not want to be angry. I do not want to feel pain about my child. I do not want that pain to effect all the other parts of my life, so I pray. I asked God to give me peace. I gave up the anger to Him. I lay it at his feet, I don't want it. I only want what is of Him. He did not give me anger, he gave me patients. I chose the anger.

So what a wonderful few days it has been. Not to be angry, but to be patient. Avery is the one who needs the most patience but he is the one I show the least with. There really can be a gap from when I ask him something to when he answers it. And me trying to hurry that only makes it longer.

I love my family, my boys. And I want to be the best mom the best wife, the one God created for them. Being a wife and a mom is the best thing I have ever done. I am so very blessed that I get to be Mike's wife and Avery and Zachery's mom. So I put away all that I have lost the babies gone too quickly, the family too far, the people who are missing. And I am working on my pillars so that all of my love can shine through.

There is a part of me that doesn't want to post this. I fear that it looks like, I didn't like Avery or I was mad at him or any of those negative things. But I know that you that know me, know how much I champion him. I really can't imagine our life any differently. Only sweeter.

Anyone Remember High School?

If you would have asked me this a few months ago, I would have had a completely different memory. I would have said oh yes, it was a lot of fun. I had lots of friends and really enjoyed it. Ok so I've been on facebook right? Well, since I have friended lots of people from high school I have started to remember the reality of it!

I honestly can't remember a more paranoid time in my life. Did everyone spend time wondering if anyone liked them? And if they looked ok? Did everyone compare everything about themselves to the rest of the class? Like I totally can't remember many teachers but I do remember most of my clothes. I mean getting ready for school was seriously painful. Every button perfectly put into place to look casually thrown on.

And for those of you who don't realize, yes I was a valley girl. Pink and green, collars up, OMG!, totally gag me with a spoon. Fur sure, fur real, totally. Do you not remember Nicholas Cage's chest hair shaved like an eagle? I still flip my hair. I know this because I just did it and it gave me a flash back.

There are huge parts of me that wonder what people really thought of me. But there are other parts that are just amazed that anyone even remembers me. Ok this is my blog right, so I have to admit one of the first high school people I friended was Jim Brown. I have tons of memories of conversations with him. Many outside his house. Well guess what? He deleted me and told a friend he really didn't even know who I was. Well, seriously ouch! So I got a little touchy for a while. Wondering if anyone even knew who I was, hell do I even know who I am?

I have found that yes people did know me. Wooo, what a relief. I mean I spend 6 years with some of these people, someone should know me!

I have learned that wow it's really easy to fall back into those old feelings of inadequacy again. I mean I have spent years saying if I had it to do all over again I'd be so much fun and just wouldn't worry about what people thought. Cause that's pretty much my life now. I have great friends but if you don't want to be my friend that's fine with me. I don't worry about fitting in or being invited to the right party. Hell I am the party. lol

I can honestly say I'm so very glad I don't have it to do over again. I do still say totally, like all the time! One thing I want to tell that Amy is that people who didn't like me or weren't my friend were the ones missing out. I'm a fun girl, some days funner that others. But more than that I care about people. And I wish I knew what I did have to offer and wouldn't have worried as much. I would tell me to just talk to people and let people know me. I would tell her to relax. Take a chill pill. Ok not really a pill cause I'm pretty sure I'd still be drug free. But I'd whisper in my ear that it really does all work out.

Zachery Needs Skin

I mean seriously I hear it all the time from him. I need skin, I love tummy skin! Zachery stopped nursing at 18 months. Evidently I hadn't explained my desire to nurse him to the age of two. But just because he didn't want to nurse did not mean he wanted to stop skin to skin contact. He frequently puts his hand or face on my tummy. When he sleeps his feet are usually on the small of my back. Because I prefer back skin to tummy skin.

So at four we have restrictions on when and where he can have my skin. I would prefer not to have my top pushed up in public. Tummy skin is only ok at bedtime but yes I do prefer back skin. Zachery's funny because the easiest way to get him to fall asleep is to put your hand on his tummy, with his belly button in the palm of your hand. He loves tummy to tummy skin. It's almost like he's trying to reconnect us again.

Part of me isn't surprised by that. I think back to his birth and it makes sense to me. Here he was all cozy and warm inside me. When all of a sudden his cord pulled out of the placenta and he started bleeding to death. He was then cut out of me and had tubes stuck down his throat and needles stuck in him. All in under 30 minutes. So really it's no wonder he needs tummy skin.

And seriously it's one of my favorite things. The feel of his skin on mine. I'm not looking forward to him growing up and not having that any more.

Not the Woman He Married

Mike and I had a discussion last night. He told me I wasn't the same woman he married. He was so worried I'd cry or be hurt, he's not great at sharing his deepest feelings. My initial thought was, you thought I would be? I mean 18 years is a long time and we have been through so much. My mind was racing, what do you mean? I'm not fun? I'm not pretty? I'm too fat? I'm not carefree? Which is it.

He is concerned that I don't like myself. Oh sigh, what a relief, that's easy, you are so right I don't. Ok that's it really? See here's where it gets tricky. He wants me to like myself. He seems to think if I don't like myself then nothing else will work. Huh, ok I admit it he's probably right. So how? How do I make that happen? Of course he has no idea, other than to loose weight. He seems to think that is making me unhappy. His observation is that I try really hard to loose weight then I sabotage myself. Wow, I had no idea he was that aware or that I was that transparent.

So I did cry. I tried to express the sadness I felt deep in my soul. That I felt like a part of me was missing and I didn't know how to get it back. It's true in the deepest part of me there is pain. I'm not a sad or depressed person. I try to be joyful and fun and full of life. But here's the secret. It's an act. It's like I'm putting bows on over a wound instead of letting it heal.

And what do I have to be unhappy about? I have a wonderful husband and two terrific boys. We have a lovely home and want for nothing. And that part of it makes it harder. That's the guilt of not being grateful.

I have been thinking about all of this and I think I wear my sadness like a badge. That badge is my weight. Wow what happened to you? It's outward, unlike the hurts I carry.

The loss of my mom was probably the most horrible experience of my life. Her death is compounded by not only loosing her but by the horror of it. I do not have the words to describe what it was like watching it happen. The surgery, the diagnosis, the chemo, more surgery, and then the bone marrow transplant. Then the end and promise of more chemo until finally prayers for an end. And while I know she is better today, it doesn't make it easier. It doesn't make it worth it. Not to me. It doesn't erase the memories, the fear, the sadness. And it doesn't help my fears of dying too young.

People think it's been 17 years, get over it! But how? Is getting over it, forgetting? Or is it accepting? Cause I have accepted it. I mean seriously what choice did it have? Is it never wishing it was different? Cause I don't think I could. So how do I put it behind me? How do I not miss every moment for the past 17 years and all the future years when I really needed my mom? I know what she would say. She would want me to be happy, that's all she ever really wanted. And she'd want me to be thin.

And then there is my precious son. I can't begin to tell you all the guilt and pain I feel regarding Avery having down syndrome. And I truly don't see a day in my life where I will say oh yea my son has to struggle. Don't get me wrong, he is my heartbeat. But I want him to have the moon and he can't and I have to be the one to tell him that when he asks.

So how do I find the joy of my soul? How do I heal the pain and fill the void? I want the joy, I choose the joy! I am praying, "Lord heal my soul, fill me with joy, restore the joy of my salvation." "and make me thin." But it is a light bulb moment in my life when I admit that my weight is the outward symbol of my sorrow.

So maybe I have to do it. Maybe I have to feel that it's ok that my mom is gone. Maybe I have to truly trust God that I will see her again. Maybe it's time to stop mourning the loss of her and of my babies. I don't want to loose today being sad about what I didn't have. I don't want to loose a moment of my boys life because I can't feel the joy.

I do want to be the woman he married. The one who's heart was full of joy and love not sadness. I don't want to worry about dying. I want to release all that is not of God and I want to like myself again.

So maybe this is my journey; Learning to like Amy.

The Perception of a Four Year Old

It's 1:30 am and I've been asleep since 9:30. Mike's at work and Zachery is sleeping with me. I hear. "Oh these jammie bottoms got me wet."

A Conversation with Zachery

Today Zachery and I went to Walmart to have the oil changed in the car. We did our shopping and were heading out to the car when Zachery asked me about Avery driving. Avery has been telling me he is getting a drivers license when he turns 16. And that's a really hard thing for me. I wish he could. I plan on teaching him how to operate a car, but there is no way he is ready to look for signs, marks on the road, people and all the other clues involved in driving.

So as Z and I were getting in the car he asked me about Avery driving. To be honest I wasn't paying a lot of attention to what he was saying. I was trying to put the groceries in the car, make sure he got in and was just generally distracted. So he was asking me when Avery was going to drive.

"Zachery I'm not sure." "Well when Avery is as big as you, he will drive." "Zachery, honey I hope so but I'm not sure." "Why?" Zachery asks as only a four year old can. "Well, Avery's disability makes it hard for him to learn how to drive, so I'm not sure if he ever will." I answer.

"What's a disability." Zachery wants to know. Sigh, all I wanted to do was get over to Taco Bell, get something to eat and get home. But how do I not answer? "A disability is what makes it harder for Avery to do things and learn things." "Oh," he says, "is it harder for me to do things too?" "No, Zachery it's easy for you to do things. That's why we have to help Avery." With all the wisdom of a four year old Zachery tells me, "but Avery doesn't like it when I help him with his homework."

Ya see that's what I'm up against. My four year old is trying to help my fifteen year old with homework. At Avery's open house, he was showing us his new tools to do his math. He was demonstrating by doing a math problem. So I ask him, "Avery what's 2 plus 8?" When Zachery yells out, "10!" This is what it's like when Avery is doing his homework. I ask him to read something and Zachery yells out the answer. It takes Avery a little longer to give the answer but Zachery doesn't give him the chance. Then Avery gets mad and yells at him and guess what? Zachery yells back. It's quite fun.

So this is my beginning to explain down syndrome to Zachery without it changing how he looks at Avery. Because that is my biggest fear. Zachery calls Avery his best brother. I don't wan that to ever change.

Sometimes It's Just So Hard

I think being a mom is probably the hardest and most natural thing I have ever done. There are many other things that I have failed considerably at, being a daughter, a wife. But being a mom there is no room for failure. That's part of where all the pressure comes from. Failure means your kids don't live successful lives because of something you did. Wow, now that's pressure.

Being the mom of a child with special needs is both harder and yet easier. People frequently say, "I don't know how you do it," or "I could never do it." First what makes that ok for you to say? Like my life is such a horror that you can't imagine living it. Do you seriously think that is a complement?

So I don't have a lot of Avery posts and you have probably wondered why. Partly I guess it's because talking about his abilities and disability is the deepest part of me. It's that raw part of me where I still feel responsible, as irrational as that is. And part of me feels judged, like I some how caused that to happen. And mostly because he is my son and I can't imagine one part of him without the other. And by talking about it I am opening myself and leaving him vulnerable. Like I am somehow allowing judgment to befall him. So I have not written about it.

But seriously how do I not? I mean I have Avery stories. lol And how do I not share those and share him? So today I share our latest problems.

Avery steals.

Wow were you expecting that? How did that happen you wonder? Well it started in the old school. He was in regular classes and no one thought to send his supplies, that I provided, with him. So he would take the other kids. I got it, he wanted to be like the other kids. He wanted what they have. So he would take their notebook and say it was his. We talked to him about it. Talked to him about things that were his and not his. Made sure he had what he needed.

So it hasn't been a lot but little things. It started with his cousin's PSP. We were staying in a hotel for my grandfather's funeral. We were leaving the next day. I'd gone with my Aunt Liz to look at my grandparents house one last time. When I got back to the hotel Avery showed me what he had done. I was so upset. Mike was, well Mike was freaked. So we took it back. I told him the whole way about how when you take things that doesn't belong to you it's called stealing and you could go to jail.

Then it was a pocket full of balls from the Christian book store. Yep back we went. At the time I thought it was only one ball. Imagine my surprise when they kept coming out of his pocket. Then it was a pair of reading glasses. Which I really think were a mistake. He was looking at them and Zachery started to run and Avery helped me corner him. I really think those he just stuck in his pocket.

So the talks went on and we worried. Were we doing enough? What if this continued? Since then there as been a jacket and a hat from school. I'm not too sure about the hat he swears someone gave it to him. And he always shows us what he did. So far all of this has been over the course of 3 years. Not a lot of stuff, right? But still, it doesn't matter how little we don't take things that don't belong to us.

So the other day he came home with a gameboy from school. He told me he paid $3 for it. Well if he did, that's still wrong. So we went trough the whole is he lying or did he. Then on Thursday he comes home from school and shows me his drink he bought. I thought it was a little odd but did remember him having a little change. Which I really think might have come from Zachery's $2 he had but he should have put it up and not played with it. Then Avery shows me his chips he bought. Ok now I know he couldn't have had that much money! Where did it come from.

Oh he says, he got it out of his dad's wallet! OMG I thought Mike was going to have an appoxy. I mean seriously, he was not happy. Avery says he took 20, 10, and 5. Well I can promise you there is no way Mike had that much money in his wallet. So he's grounded. You can't take money out of Dad's wallet or Mom's purse! But part of me wonders would this happen if he had his own money. I mean he is almost 16 and all the kid wants to do is buy some snacks out of the vending machine. So maybe I should give him an allowance. But I don't want to reward him for stealing.

So for now he is grounded. He is very sorry and was even sorrier when his dad ate his chips he bought. But we are at a loss. We really think it's just a developmental milestone that he's hitting late. He has poor impulse control. He sees something and wants it. But we don't want him to go to jail! Or grow up and be a thief. But we do have to remember that it is normal. Kids steal, it happens. That's the hardest thing about being the oldest child. Mom and dad don't know what's normal. When little brother comes along we know what you did and when he does it, it's not the surprise! So for now Avery doesn't get to take a backpack to school. Frankly I'm too tired to search him every morning. Oh I didn't tell you about the straw did I? The one that broke the camels back. lol

Friday Mike was looking for a chain he needed to use to work on my car. He yelled at Zachery for touching his stuff. Which Zachery had been playing with it the day before. But Zachery kept saying he didn't know where it was. Avery got home from school and Mike looked in his backpack to make sure he didn't come home with anything. And guess what he found? The three foot chain he was looking for! lol I just wonder what the teachers thought if they saw it.

What a Night

About 7:00 tonight I told Avery to get the clothes out of the dryer. He walks into the laundry room and grabs his head and starts crying in pain. I asked him if he hit his head or what was going on. No he said it hurt. So a little while later he was sitting in the chair crying and holding his head.

This is always when I'm at a loss as to what to do. I mean it is really bad or are you playing it up. So I called the Dr's office and talked to the after hours nurse. I tell her what's going on and she says we need to go and be seen. That is so not what I wanted to hear. I guess I wanted her to tell him to knock it off!

I wanted to know all the possible things that could be wrong. I didn't think his ear drum ruptured, he wasn't hurting that bad. And he didn't have a fever so I didn't think he had meningitis. But his eyes were puffy and his nose is runny so I'm sure he has a sinus infection. I told him to go take a hot shower and see if that didn't help.

So he watched tv for a bit and then I sent him on to bed. A few minutes later I hear him crying in the bathroom. And I hear this odd sound. I go in there asking if he's throwing up. No he's got his head in the sink running water in his ear.

Ok, we're going to the ER. But guess what? I don't have a car. It's waiting on new struts. So I called Mike's aunt Linda. She came and took us to the hospital. Mike was already at work by then so I didn't feel like waiting an hour and a half for him to get home.

You could tell my poor baby didn't feel good. But he's such a good patient. Come to find out he has an ear infection. So we didn't get home till almost 11 and Zachery had a ten minute nap in the car and was no longer tired.

Both kids are finally asleep and Mike is on his way home. I've been trying to wait up for him but I'm getting tired. I tried to call the bus driver but her phone isn't working. Which means I have to get up at 620 to tell her he's not going to school.

My Pear Trees!

Are starting to bloom! I cut them way back after the harvest last year. They hadn't been pruned in years. So I was a little worried I killed them. lol I'm so excited to see flowers cause that means pears!

El Barno

A few weeks ago we were in Tyler running errands. For those of you that don't know, Tyler is the big town. They have over 50,000 people, a mall, a Target, Best Buy and all kinds of stores. I don't remember exactly what we were after but we had been to several stores. The kids were getting hungry and asking for a restaurant. Well, as much as I was jumping up and down saying oh yes let's eat out!, I knew that we are trying not to any more. It's really expensive and then we wind up wasting food at home.

So the kids were screaming for a restaurant and for the life of me I can't remember who it was that said it first. Ok we'll go to a restaurant. We'll go to El Barno. Mike and I were just laughing! See we live in a barn, so we would just go home and eat.

The last stop we made was to a part store for something for my car. I sat there laughing to myself. The kids were so excited asking what kind of food El Barno had. Well, I said they had hamburgers and french fries. Zachery asked if they had video games like the other hamburger restaurant. Oh yes, Mike says, they have video games! Him and I just keep looking at each other and laughing. We are tickeled that we are pulling one over on the kids. lol

Mike even changes the GPS to say El Barno instead of home. We can't wait to hear it. Zachery askes how far away El Barno is. We tell him 45 minutes. He says, just like home! So Mike and I spend the entire drive home laughing and exctied for the moment the kids realize where we are going and what their reaction will be. The closer we get Zachery askes us things like, do they have playstatin? Oh yes! Do they have Ratchet and Clank? Oh yes! Oh Avery isn't that great!!

So as we get home the kids hear arriving at El Barno and just laugh. They weren't upset, they thought it was pretty funny. So yesterday we were out, in another big city Sulfur Springs with just over 14,000 people. lol Again they asked if we could go to a restaurant, and we say yes we're going to El Barno! Oh no, a REAL restaurant.

I Wonder, Do People Just Not Know What to Say?

Over the past few months I have spent time on Facebook. It started as a way to chat with some friends I made on line. And others I didn't get to see often. Then I started finding old school friends and even family I don't get to talk to very much.

It has been a lot of fun. But as you start adding people you haven't seen in 20 years, it starts to get a little odd. I admit I'm fascinated by people's lives. And you get to peak at their pictures and see what their life is like now. I love it when they upload pictures of before! Like when I knew them because it can be hard to connect the picture you are looking at now with the person you used to know.

So like I said it's a little odd to say the least. And yes I'm a little crazy, ok I admit it. I'm crazy and paranoid. I always try to be nice and make a comment about their family and how lovely they are. I never admit to feeling shocked. And then here I sit, waiting. Waiting for someone to acknowledge my family. I'd like to know they even cared enough to look at any of my pictures at the least.

I wonder if I should change my status to say, Amy is Yes my son has down syndrome and it's ok to talk about it. So I wonder do they not say anything because they don't know what to say? Do they not say anything because they didn't care enough to even look? Do they not say anything because they are horrified I have such a child?

And the strange part is, it's even family. I don't get it. You friend me I look at your pictures and tell you how happy I am to see you and how cute the kids are. Then nothing. What's up with that? I will admit it's not everyone. My brother Todd and sister in law Debbie always have nice things to say. And my friends, you know the on line ones, the ones everyone says but do you really know them, they always have nice things to say. They share in my joys of being Avery's mom. And I love them for that. And there was one other. A girl who had it all in school and is still beautiful. She said my kids were cute but wanted to see a picture of me. So she looked, right? She had something nice to say.

So why do I worry about it? Hell I don't know. Because we have already discussed that that's what I do. I sit around and worry about inconsequential things. But it does hurt. Especially when I already feel sensitive. I am so very proud of my son. Avery amazes me with his sense of self, his generosity of spirit, his desire to make people laugh and yes he is a handsome young man. And he deserves for people to acknowledge him and to know that his is an amazing life full of laughter and joy.

So maybe my new status will be, Amy is deleting you if you don't say something nice about my sons.

I'm Lonely

I get so ready for the kids to go to bed for some quiet time. Now I have it. I'm having it right now. But the other side of that coin is now I'm lonely. Mike is at work and the kids are asleep and here I sit making candles and playing on the computer. I miss having a girlfriend to run around with.

I know I could call Lisa and chat with her but it's late. And I could call Liz and chat with her but it's late and I don't want to wake the kids. Cause that wouldn't be a solution! lol I guess I just miss interaction with people. The only time I do is while I'm working out 5 days a week. Ok people other than my husband and kids.

I totally love my life, but I wonder sometimes what else? Or what next. Maybe it's being without a job. Maybe it's because we're done having kids. That was something we were working on for so long, now what. It seems everything I did was some how related to having another baby or taking care of the one I did have. Working or not working. Going back to school. What I ate or drank or didn't drink.

So now I'm 40, unemployed and Zachery will start school in August. So now what? I get to do whatever in the world I want to. But the key to that is what? Part of me just wants to stay home forever. To plant and get some animals and to work here. Part of me would like to be a sonogram technician. But that is going back to school, which I would like but not sure if I'm up to that. I can go back and do what I've always done but for how long? I don't want to spend the rest of my life doing accounting. I like creating. I love my candle business and would like to grow that. I would like to add bath product and add a store. I love bath junkie and would need about $200,000 for a franchise. So how is that possible?

I want to travel, to take my boys and Mike to Scotland. To see all the different parts of the U.S. How can I do that and work? lol So maybe it will rain money and we can do all that.

So all this was about being lonely tonight right? See that's what happens when I have too much time alone to think. I know a few things. I am blessed. I am blessed to have my boys. I am blessed to have my husband who loves me and takes care of us. I am blessed that I get to decide what I want to do.

But tomorrow I get to have fun. I'm going to the Zoo with Zachery. We're meeting our friends Becca and Aiden. I haven't taken Zachery to the Zoo since he was just a couple of weeks old. When Mike and I took him on a field trip with Avery and his class. Tomorrow will be fun. I'm excited to be with a friend and just get out!

My 40th Birthday

I know a lot of people are amazed that I'm excited to be 40. I guess I get that, like I have many things in my life, from my mom. I remember her turning 40, she was so happy. I thought she was crazy! 40 is so freaking old how could she be excited? She told me that 40 is like the first adult age. That when you are in your 20's then you are really still a kid. And in your 30's your not really a kid but your not really grown up yet. But when you are 40 you are an adult. So for me 40 is a milestone much like 18 was for me.

The scariest thing for me about turning 40 again goes back to my mom. She was diagnosed with ovarian cancer 6 months after her 40th birthday. She only lived to be 43. So truthfully the next 3 years are going to be hard. I can't imagine myself older than my mother. What reference do I have? I saw a picture the other day of my Aunt June holding her first grandbaby, Lila. I weeped. Aunt June looks so much like my mom, that when I look at her I see what my mom could have looked like if she lived another 17 years. I looked at that pictured and cried that I never saw my mom hold my baby. Selfish of me I know, but I don't know how for my mind not to go there. Yes, yes, yes, I know, remember all the good times, be thankful for what I had. And I am. But sometimes I want to rage at my loss, at my kids loss, I want to close my eyes and feel her next to me and when I can't I want to cry. I still remember the birthday card my Aunt June sent my mom for her 40th birthday. It said, "just remember no matter how old you get, I'll always be younger." I think of that and wonder what it is like to be the younger sister who is older than her sister ever got to be.

So this was about my birthday right? lol I had a great birthday. The boys got me a princess cake. Zachery said he thought I needed a Car's cake. I said I'd rather a princess cake. lol They were so excited to go to Walmart and get me presents. Avery got me a 2008 Holiday Barbie and Zachery got me an angel necklace. They were so good. They kept their secrets for 4 days! That is huge. lol Here's a picture of my cake.



Zachery wanted his picture taken with my cake. He is such a ham.

I just have to add that Zachery makes me wear the tiara all the time. lol He even puts it on me in my sleep. I have woken up in the morning wearing my tiara and holding my scepter or magic wand as he calls it. lol He wanted me to wear it to the park the other day and I had to tell him the other mommies would be so jealous that I had one and they didn't.

We Have Stairs!!!!!!!!!!!

Mike put in the upper stinger and added the treads. He will close in the opening on the left and put in a door so I can use that space for my canning and veggies.

Zachery ran out to tell me we had stairs! He couldn't wait to show me all the treasures he found. lol We have a ton of his toys up in the attic.

I know this is blurry but this is what will be the boys bedroom. When you get to the top of the steps it's to the left. The window looks out to the front of the land.

This is to the right of the top of the steps. Will be a hallway, with a closet for the a/c unit and then our bedroom will be the whole area past the a/c. We will take out the garage door tracts. You can't see what will be our closet, it's the area next to the a/c. We will also put in a bathroom.

Mike still has to move the duct work. He will run it out the other side of the a/c unit and add ducts for the upstairs. It's a good thing I married such a handy guy!

The area he is standing will be where the ducts will go for what is the bedroom now and will be in the closet of what will be the boys bedroom. You can see the garage, which we will leave. And what will be our closet behind him. That's above the bathroom and laundry room.

There is still a lot to be done. Hopefully Mike will be sleeping upstairs by the time school is out for summer. Zachery was very disappointed he couldn't bring his train sets down he found. I told him he had to put stuff up to get stuff down. So he brought up 4 blocks and 2 books. lol I said that didn't cut it! He has enough train sets down already.

We will paint off lines of walls and then measure everything and draw it out. I think we will start on that part tomorrow. I'm not going to paint the stairs and stain the treads until we are finished.

Weekend 3 of the Stairs

This is were we are at the end of our third weekend building a staircase. We have the lower treads in. We will stain the treads black and paint the risers white.



Mike had to remove the ceiling in the closet.





And then remove the joist. You can see the A/C unit and the roof. The A/C unit will be in a closet when we are finished.





The joist are gone and the opening has been framed in. Mike still had wires to the bedroom and hall to deal with.



He has rewired and built on to the landing. We realized the landing needed to be big enough for the upper stringers to sit on.



This is how it looks now. He will cut out the upper stringers next weekend and will frame it out. He will close the opening on the left and put in a door so we can use the area for storage.



I hate not having a closet but can't wait for a second story! Notice Avery's cowboy hat on the end of his bed. He loves that thing!

It's True What They Say

About your life passing in front of your eyes when you think you're going to die. The same think happens when you think it's someone you love. I have had a hard time sleeping lately. I can't get to sleep, I can't stay asleep. So last night I was sleeping great. For all of two and a half hours when the phone rang at 2:35am. I got out of bed thinking it was Mike calling me for some reason. I tried to make it before the call notes picked up. They pick up at 3 rings and we can't figure out how to change it.

I didn't make it. So I went to the caller id and called the number back. I didn't have my glasses on so I couldn't see who I was calling but figured if you call me in the middle of the night I don't care if I wake anyone at your house when I call you back. I got a message that the phone number was disconnected. Ok, I know the phone rang. So I think was Mike calling me to tell me that phone was shut off? Crazy I know but it is the middle of the night and I did just jump out of bed and run across the room.

So I got back into bed and put my glasses on to see who it was. It was Mike's sargent. Ok, my heart started racing, my hands started shaking and all I can think is this is his new sargent and somethings happened. Since we live so far away, it's long distance to call back, that's why it didn't work when I redialed from the caller id. So I have to grab my cell to put the number in it because I know I won't remember it to just punch it in. And they cell doesn't work in the house.

So as I'm dialing the number I'm thinking ok I have to call Jerry and Linda to come and be with the kids. I guess I'm not going to Austin. Why didn't I call him before I went to sleep at midnight. Did I kiss him good bye?

Ring
Yo?

What's going on?

Oh is this Spurger? Oh he left his cell at home....

No this is Spurger's wife and you just called my house at 2:30 in the morning and I thought my husband was hurt or dead!

Oh I am very sorry, I had this as his cell number. (a very contrite sargent) I'm so sorry.

sigh, ok breath,

I'm so sorry I'll try to find him.

huh? I'll give you his cell number.

I'm so sorry.

The number is xxx xxx can't talk the tears have started and my heart is in my chest, he's ok. Oh thank you God he's ok. xxxx

I'm so sorry.

So think I could go back to sleep after that? No and as I'm laying there I think, find him? huh lol Is he lost? So of course I have to call him and make sure he's really ok. Which he is. His sargent needed to come get a tape out of his car. Evidently he'd made a dui arrest earlier and they needed to secure the dash cam.

Zachery's Heart

Zachery asked me to lay down with him. I told him no, he was a big boy and could go lay down by himself or with Avery. He said, "if you don't lay down with me then you make my heart hurt. And if you do lay down with me you make my heart happy." So I mean what could I do? lol I'm laying down with him.

We Have Started!

On construction on the stairs. I'm so excited. Mike has done such a great job, I'm so proud of him.
This is the first picture. We have taken all of Avery's clothes out of the closet and put them on his bed. This is the only closet in the house. lol So I'm still not sure where all the clothes will wind up. I got all the shoes out and put up and everything else that was in there.



This is Mike starting to rip out the sheet rock.


End of the first day, the landing is finished. Zachery is writing his name on it. lol


Now Zachery is explaining to Mike that the wall needs to come down. lol He's so smart!




End of the second day, the lower stringers are in.

Do other kids go to sleep?

Mine won't. I just don't get it. Avery is actually laying in bed, in the dark, talking to himself. This can go on for hours. If he just stopped talking he would go to sleep. Zachery just does not sleep. He's playing on the computer now. I'd say he's good for at least another hour and a half. I have never in my life known a child who needed less sleep.

Last night I couldn't take it any more, no wait that was Monday night. I was the first one asleep. Last night Zachery decided he wanted to sleep with Avery. But instead of laying there he tormented Avery for hours, keeping everyone away. Then he decided Avery needed to sleep in my bed, that we all three should sleep there. So I'm in bed and the kids leave. They come back out to the living room. I understand why Avery did it. He was trying to get away from Zachery so he could sleep. But it didn't work, Zachery followed him. I just don't know how to get him to settle down. It doesn't matter if the routine is the same, it doesn't matter if you change it. The child does not go to sleep until he is ready. I think I need more sleep than he does. lol

Why do we keep fighting?

It's turning into a daily thing and it's over nonsense. Tonight I asked Mike what kind of sandwich he wanted me to make for his dinner. He said he was thinking of peanut butter and jelly. Ok, I said. Then I proceed to open the laptop which is on the table in sleep mode because I have been working all day. I wanted to check my email and my work email to see if my payrolls had been reviewed yet. So he comes into the kitchen and starts making sandwiches. I told him I said I would do it. He's mad! Why you ask? Because he heard what I said and I didn't say I'd make them I asked him what kind he was going to make?????? Huh? No that's not what I said. So he goes into the whole I'm not arguing with you I know what you said. So now I'm mad, he hears wrong and thinks I'm not going to make him a sandwich and gets mad.

First it's crazy to get mad that I didn't say I would. Second it's even crazier to not believe me when I say that's not what I said! The truth of the matter is he was pissed that I was on the laptop. I have had it put up since Friday. I was expecting rude comments when he saw me using it today, but I do need it for work. Which I did do all day. I had to open it to shut it down.

Now I wish someone would explaine to me why it's ok for him to sit in front of the tv all day but if I get on the computer I'm ignoring him? How does that work? I don't really like much tv. And I don't like the crap he watches. And I don't say anything when he is on the PSP. So really what is the big deal? I'm on the computer so I'm not available to do what? Watch you watch tv? Play cards; cause we do a lot of that? Oh have deep meaningful conversations? I agree I'm on the computer too much. But I'm board! I know he thinks I should be cleaning the house instead. But for some reason I can't seem to think I should be up picking up, doing dishes and doing laundry while he sits in front of the tv. And when I'm not doing that I should be sitting next to him waiting for him to speak?

And yes I've stopped taking my meds. And he asked me, have you been taking your medicine? I just looked at him and asked how he could tell. It was like a light bulb went off for him. Ah, she's irrational. Could that really be it? I am highly agitated. But I feel right, like justified. Yes I have been yelling a lot. And threw a toy last night. But that's normal right? Other people throw little people school buses on the floor? I mean I can not be the only one. lol

I guess I've just reached my limit. I've had enought, I need space. I need a bedroom. I need to see my things. I need to be able to have a conversation with Mike alone. I need to not trip over toys because there is no place to play. Sigh, the stairs will start tomorrow. I hope we can do it.

What a week.

The Stairs

Thursday we will buy the lumber to build a staircase. I'm so freaking excited. I have been looking at instruction sites and have them designed in my head. I know Mike can do this he's so meticulous. I am so sick of having one bedroom for all of us. This house is way too small. By finishing the upstairs we will double the space. It will make this house bigger than the old house. I need the space.

It's weird making this our home. It was never meant to be. Every time I look around I see Marsha, not me. I've made a few changes but it's pretty hard to do anything when we're stacked on top of each other. So I know this will help. Then I'm going to turn the bedroom now into the living room. I'll start by painting it. Then the living room will become the office/game room.

I know it will help Mike sleep by being upstairs and away from all of us. It will be darker and quieter. I will also be so happy to not have my room at the front of the house! The street light drives me batty. Now it will be at the back of the house. I can't wait to start!

Noah and the really bad word.

I picked Zachery up from daycare on Monday, I know how crazy is it that he begs to go, and he tells me Noah said a really bad word. So of course I ask him what? Wondering if I should be encouraging my 4 year old to repeat a really bad word. He refused to tell me. So I asked if Noah got in trouble. NO! So I asked if they tied Noah to a chair, again no. Well did they hit him? Still no. One can't be too sure these days so I thought it was good to ask. Zachery seemed a little appalled by my questions but he goes with the flow. lol

Later that night Zachery comes up to me and say, "Mom." "Noah said super bitch and they didn't tie him to a chair and they didn't hit him, he had to go to time out." How do you not laugh at that! And now for the realization that kids actually come home and tell their parents things that happened during the day. It made me wonder what kind of stories I have missed from and about Avery. And what kind of stories Noah has to tell about Zachery! lol

I Have a Confession

I drink OJ out of the container. No one knows, I hide it. I do it so I don't have to wash yet one more glass! lol

What a great day

Even after being up half the night I still had a great day. It was an Avery and mom day. I got the boys ready and in the car and my car wouldn't start. So we took the truck. We dropped Zachery off at his "play school" and headed to Mesquite. First we went to the candle supply and picked up the wicks I ordered. Then off to Target. Wow they were almost empty. Evidently they had everything on sale except for what I wanted. So Avery got a new pair of jeans and a pair of gloves. I am the lucky recipient of laundry soap and paper towels.

While in line at Target a lady and two boys were behind us. Of course Avery had to great everyone and shake hands. They acted tickled and commented on his fancy hand shake. I wanted to turn around and say he's not an oddity. When the young man said to me, "I have a brother with down syndrome." And he was proud! Come to find out his brother is 29 and he is 16. Close to Avery and Zachery. And his brothers name is Zachary. lol It was raining when we left and the mom stayed with Avery by the door while I got the truck. She helped him load it too. lol I looked at her and said, "29 huh?" She said yes and he's doing great. For those of you who don't have kids with disabilities that is a great conversation. Two proud moms sharing that their kids really are ok. And a brother who was proud, he really touched me.

So we were off to High School Musical 3. Yes, I know. I asked him if he'd see Max Payne and he said he would. But I knew how much he wanted to see HSM3, and all I could think was what if he died tomorrow. How would I live with knowing I could have done something he wanted. And I thought of all the times he went with me to do things I wanted. So we went.

It was actually a good movie! We had such a good time. We had popcorn and hotdogs and soda. I could tell Avery really enjoyed it. It was really raining when we left. Avery did a "move" in the parking lot on the way to the truck. lol He cracks me up! Then we went to get his boots.

At the first store the woman was rude and wouldn't speak to him or really look at him. She threw some boots on the floor and left. We found a great pair! I refused to buy them there and called Cavenders. They had the same brand, so we headed over there. I stopped on the way out to let the manager know why we were leaving. He asked if it was a cranky woman who started to help us. Oh ya she was! lol

So when we get to Cavenders the guy is really nice and come to find out he too has a brother with a disability. I think it's kinda nice that I had both experiences today. We picked Zachery up on the way home and stopped by Sonic for dinner.

Mike is off to work now and soon the kids will be in bed!!!!! Avery goes back to school tomorrow. He's so excited. He's got his new boots and jeans out and ready to go. The whole yard is flooded so I'm worried about him soaking his new boots on the first day. lol